Things I'll Never Say
by Danimister
Summary: Lily is the only witness to a violent attack on James Potter. She has two choices: One, she doesn't tell anybody what happened, and James dies. Two, she tells the Healers what happened, and James survives. But his attackers will then kill both of them.
1. Attacking

A/N: O.K., so here's another story I've been thinking of for quite awhile. Note: I am NOT taking down 'Meant To Be'. I will update sometime in the next week.

**Things I'll Never Say**

James Potter, the handsome, cocky, 7th year Gryffindor Quidditch captain was currently in a state of extreme panic. The rest of his team was huddled around him, rain dripping down their mud- and blood-streaked faces, all looking at him hopefully.

"What the bloody hell are we gonna do?" Michael Wood asked, "Our backup's in Peru!"

Only moment before, the Gryffindor seeker, Catherine Wyndson, had been violently knocked unconscious by a well-aimed bludger from William Goyle. Catherine was obviously not in a position to continue the match, and George Adamson, the backup seeker, was at his uncles' funeral in South America.

"What **can** we do?" Sania Ahmad asked. "We don't have a backup for our backup seeker!"

Just then, Professor Finn, the flying instructor, zoomed up to James on his Cleansweep Five.

"I'm sorry, kids, but if you don't come up with a substitute seeker in the next five minutes, you'll have to forfeit."

The team hung their heads, preparing for their captain to declare a Gryffindor loss.

"I'll do it," he said instead.

Six heads looked up in shock..

"Mr. Potter, are you sure?" Professor Finn asked.

James nodded. "I'll get Remus to take my place as Chaser, and I'll play Seeker."

"All right, then." Professor Finn flew over to Sirius, who was currently commentating the game.

Ten minutes later, the new Gryffindor team flew back out to the Quidditch pitch. James flew high overhead and began to circle the stands.

"_And the Gryffindors come back strong after the loss of their seeker, the beautiful Catherine Wyndson. Seventh-year Remus Lupin is now playing Chaser, and Captain James Potter, my **best** friend, has taken Cat's place as seeker. His Mars 2000 is far faster than Snape's old bluebonnet, and he'll easily be able to out fly Snape, the slimy, greasy little-"_

"_**Black!"**_

_"Sorry Professor."_

James grinned. Good old Sirius. He continued to circle the pitch, trying to spot a glimpse of the snitch.

"Potter."

James turned sharply.

_Ahmad passes to Lupin, to Brown, back to Ahmad, and she shoots and- SCORE! 20-50 to Gryffindor!_

Severus Snape smirked at him through a curtain of greasy black hair. How Snape, of all people, had become seeker was beyond James. Sure, he could fly fairly well, but he was horribly uncoordinated, and sat on his broom awkwardly.

"So, little Potter decided to play Seeker?

_Brown has the quaffle, and-oh! Stopped by a bludger!_

"Yeah, well nobody else could stand to be within thirty feet of thy Royal Greasiness, so I, being the kind and loyal captain that I am, volunteered."

_Score! 20-60 to Gryffindor!_

Snape narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah, well it's not like I'm enjoying…"

James stopped listening. He really wasn't in the mood to participate in one of Snape's insult-fests right now. He needed to find that sni-

The snitch! There it was, glinting bright gold, just barely a hundred yards behind Snape. He grasped the broom handle tightly and took off.

_Score! 20-Wait. James Potter's seen the snitch! He's closing in…_

James leaned closer to his broom, his hand outstretched…

_…leaving Snape far behind…_

...just a bit farther, now, really…

_…he's closer…closer…_

James leaned forward…

**_…and he's got it! James Potter has caught the golden snitch! 220-20 Gryffindor! We win the Quidditch cup! Take _that_, you filthy, slimy, m-_**

_"_**BLACK!"**

_Oops. Sorry._

James grinned triumphantly as Professor Finn handed him the gold Quidditch cup. He held it up high over his head. The crowd cheered as he was lifted up onto the shoulders of his teammates…

OoOoOoOoO

"I'd just like to…woah…thank my good friend Pames Jotter here, for helping us to win the cup...ah…wait, let me count…SEVEN years in a row! Yeah!"

All of the Gryffindors that had been drinking a bit too much firewhiskey that night (which, thanks to Sirius spinking the butterbeer bowl, was just about everyone. Only James, Remus, Lily, and the first-, second-, and third-years remained sober) cheered wildly.

"This is insane."

James turned around. Lily and Remus stood behind him, surveying the crowd. Lily looked as if she'd be sick just watching her fellow classmates move about the room drunkenly.

"It's kind of funny, actually," Remus smiled.

"You think it's funny that all our friends are mad drunk?" Lily demanded.

"Mildly."

"Especially Sirius," James added. His best friend was presently parading around the common room with two bottles of firewhiskey in each hand, dancing a sort of jig, chanting, "Gryffindor! Gryffindor!"

"That's it, I'm going to get some air." Lily made her way through the drunken crowd and exited the room.

Remus nudged James lightly. "Now's your chance, mate!" He winked and left to finish his Transfiguration essay.

James grinned and followed Lily.

OoOoOoOoOoO

"So, you play Seeker too?"

"Not really. When I was younger and I played with my cousins in my backyard, they would always force me to play Seeker, because nobody else wanted to, and I was the youngest."

"Well you're actually pretty good at it."

"Thanks. So where are we going, anyway.

Lily shrugged. "I'm not sure. Wherever."

"You ever been to the kitchens?"

Moments later, James and Lily exited the kitchens, delicious sweets held in hand, thanks to the house elves. Lily laughed.

"You go there a lot?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Every house elf knew your name, that you won the Quidditch cup, and all your favorite foods."

"Yeah, well, I guess I-"

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the idiot Head Boy and the mudblood Head Girl."

"Snape, Malfoy" James said coolly, "Not too upset about losing the cup today, are we?"

"You _know _you didn't deserve to win. That was sheer luck that you happened to see the Snitch before Severus did!" Malfoy yelled.

"Yes I was extremely lucky to be playing against that uncoordinated lo-"

James was cut off as both Malfoy and Snape pushed him hard against the wall. Both held their wands up to his face dangerously.

"Stop it! Leave him ALONE!"

"Look, Potter, your mudblood girlfriends trying to save you!" Snape laughed. "Think she'll want to so much as look at you when we finish rearranging your face?"

"Don't call her-"

Blood ran down James's face as Malfoy punched him in the nose, hard. Bloody hell. They were serious! He glanced over at Lily, who had an expression of sheer horror on her face. She was searching the pocket of her jeans for her wand, before realizing that she had stupidly left it in her dorm. One look at James' face told her that he had left his, too.

James closed his eyes tightly as Malfoy muttered a curse. He fell to the floor limply. The last thing he could remember was Malfoy turning to Lily.

"If you tell _anyone _what just happened, we'll kill him."


	2. Forgetting

**A/N: Just F.Y.I., Lily and James are NOT dating here. It's the beginning of 7th year, and they have just become friendly. Just so you know…Oh, and James will not die. Like purtyinpink71121 said, James is much to sexy to die. On with the story:**

_If you tell anyone what happened, we'll kill him._

_If you tell anyone what happened, we'll kill him._

_If you tell anyone what happened, we'll kill him._

The words ran through Lily's head continually. _We'll kill him. _What was she supposed to do? Tears ran down her face as she slumped back onto her pillows. If she didn't tell Madame Pomfrey who had attacked James, he could die anyway. What if she couldn't figure out what curse had been put on James? When she had taken him down to the hospital wing, he was bloody and bruised all over, lying immobile on the stretcher she had conjured. What if he died anyway? What if it was all her fault?

Despite her initial loathing of James Potter, she had begun to like him a bit. He had grown on her since the start of the year. She now enjoyed talking to him, liked looking into his chocolate eyes and lightheartedly ruffling his sticking-out black hair. She liked being friends with him. They had nice conversations now, replacing the old ones, with him asking her out and her insulting him. He had changed. And although she would never reveal it to anyone, Lily clandestinely knew that if James asked her out again, she would almost certainly say yes.

_If you tell anyone…_

What? What could they do? If she told, Dumbledore would obviously suspend Malfoy and Snape, and they could even go to Azkaban.

"That's it!" Lily declared, jumping off her bed. "I'll tell!"

"No you bloody well won't."

Lily turned. Her best friend, Alice Martin, stood in the doorway, a hideous glare plastered on her face.

"Al, what are you talking about?"

"I'm not Alice."

Before Lily's eyes, the mouse-brown hair and pale blue eyes of here best friend changed. The person that stood in front of her now had shiny, platinum blonde hair and darting brown eyes. _Malfoy._

"You see, you filthy little mudblood, Severus and I figured you would use your tiny little brain eventually. You were _bound_ to think that if you told anybody who attacked Potter, they'd immediately rush to protect that spoilt little horror. All the teachers love him, the freak. So we figured that we'd just have to…keep you from telling anyone."

"What're you going to do, Malfoy? Kill me?"

Malfoy laughed, a cold, harsh laugh that sent chill running up and down Lily's back. "No, no, you stupid girl. That would be too boring. We want enjoyment."

He pulled his wand out of his coat pocket. Before Lily could do so much as open her mouth, a jet of light hit her square in the chest and sent her spiraling, twirling, flying into the bookcase. Books and china figurines were scattered across the floor, many hitting her on the head.

Malfoy let out one last laugh before scuttling out of the room. Lily lay in a confused heap on the ground, thick, heavy books all around her. Only one thought ran through her mind:

_What the hell?_

"Miss Evans! Miss Evans open this door immediately!"

Lily stood up, shook her head and opened the heavy mahogany door. "Yes?"

Minerva McGonagall, Albus Dumbledore, and the minister of magic stood in front of her.

"Come with us, Miss Evans. You've got a lot of talking ahead of you."

IIIII

Minutes later, Lily found herself sitting in Dumbledore's office, all three adults standing above her.

"Miss Evans, Madame Pomfrey says you brought Mr. Potter down to the hospital wing, is that correct?"

Lily nodded.

"What happened before that?"

"Well, we were in the Gryffindor common room, celebrating the Quidditch match, and then James and I went to the kitchens to get food, and we left, and then…"

"And then what?"

Lily shook her head. She brought her head up and looked into the bright blue eyes of Professor Dumbledore.

"I-I don't remember."

**A/N: Bum-bum-bum… Sorry for the shortness, this story is kinda harder to write than my others… likey?**


	3. Blaming

A/N: I am deeply sorry. I haven't updated in almost a month…I admit, I kind of forgot about this story. Please accept my humblest regrets.

**Blaming**

_What happened to James? What happened to him? Why can't I remember?_

Lily struggled with her muddled thoughts as she slumped farther and farther into Dumbledore's chair. McGonagall, the Minister, and Dumbledore stood on the opposite side of the desk, conversing in hushed voices. Every so often, one of the adults would glance over at her.

_They're talking about me…_

_Of course they're talking about me! _Lily chided herself, _I was the only one with him, they probably think I did it!_

Sure enough, the adults broke off, looking at Lily curiously.

"Miss Evans, are you sure you don't remember anything, er, suspicious?" McGongall asked, not quite looking Lily in the eye.

"I told you," Lily replied, frustrated, "I don't remember a thing!"

"But surely," the Minister, Arnold Pitwalker, said, wringing his handkerchief in his hands, "You must remember something; a face, a spell, a fight, anything."

"No, I really don't."

"Albus…"

Albus Dumbledore's bright blue eyes stared into Lily's vivid green ones. He sighed and turned back to the Minister.

"Miss Evans has told us three times now that she doesn't remember what happened to Mr. Potter, Minister, and I choose to believe her."

The Minister groaned, annoyed with the situation at hand.

"Albus, in case you haven't realized, the Potter family has always been one of the ministry's main benefactors. If Charlus's son…" he paused and coughed into his handkerchief, "Well, if anything happens to the boy, Charlus and Dorea will be very upset indeed…"

"Yes, Minister, I am very much aware of how much money you have gained from the Potters. They've donated rather generously to this school, too. However, I am not nearly worried about the money as I am about saving a student's life. We must find out what happened, and how to help Mr. Potter, not worry about the money the ministry will lose should the worst happen."

The Minister nodded. "Of course, I am just as worried about the boy as you. But surely, Dumbledore, you can't believe that she," he nodded towards Lily, "doesn't _remember_ what happened. Surely…"

"Minister, I assure you, Miss Evans is telling the truth. Now, I do believe you have a ministry to run."

The minister muttered mutinously under his breath. He strode over to the fire, cast one last glare at Lily, and stepped inside. There was a green flash and a harsh yell:

"Ministry of Magic, Britain!"

And he was gone.

Dumbledore turned to Lily.

"Miss Evans, will you please step outside for a moment?"

Lily nodded numbly and left the room.

_The Minister thought it was me. But it wasn't! Was it? _

Lily desperately tried to remember what had happened.

_Didn't we fight that morning? Did I do something I shouldn't have?_

As Lily struggled with her nonexistent memory of the night's events, she heard a faint mumbling from behind the door. She moved closer to comprehend what was being said.

"Albus, as much as I hate to admit it…"

"You think Lily did something to James."

"Well…yes. Albus, you should see how she used to fight with him! Horrible quarrels, they've each had their own share of trips to the hospital wing."

"But not anymore."

"Well, no. Lately they've almost seemed friends. But you can't deny it, Albus, Lupin even said he saw the two of them leave the common room at the same time, they were together, no witnesses; it is rather suspicious."

"I saw nothing in Lily's eyes or mind."

"Could she have wiped her own memory?"

Lily heard Dumbledore heave a sigh.

"It's possible. I just can't see Lily Evans doing something like that."

"Nor can I, Albus, but nobody suspected that Tom Ri-"

"Enough, Minerva. I have a letter to write to Charlus and Dorea, and there is a young girl waiting for you outside."

"Yes, Albus."

Lily jumped back from the door hastily as she heard footsteps coming closer. When McGonagall exited the room, Lily was sitting patiently on the floor, against the opposite wall.

"Come, Miss Evans. Professor Dumbledore has instructed you be taken to the hospital wing for observation."

Lily spotted James Potter the moment they entered. He was lying motionless on the bed by the window. His usual expression of happiness and mischievousness was gone; his face was blank. Remus, Sirius, and Peter sat around his bed, all with equally blank expressions.

Sirius met Lily's eyes. (And Lily wondered, almost smiling to herself, when he had sobered up.) He glared at her, and Lily realized, painfully, that he, too, blamed Lily for his friends' current condition.

"Sit down, Miss Evans," McGonagall ordered.

The nurse came bustling in. A new girl, just graduated from St. Mungo's Teaching School, named Madame Pomfrey. She hurried over to James, checked his pulse, and shook her head.

"Will he be alright?" Remus asked her.

Madame Pomfrey shook her head, "I have no clue what spell was used on him, or how to revive him. He doesn't seem to be getting any better, but his condition is not worsening, either."

She pulled a potion bottle out of her pocket and poured it down James' throat.

"You know not what caused this?" McGonagall asked.

"I don't. I've never seen anything like it, actually. But Dumbledore has requested that if his condition worsens, he be shipped to St. Mungo's. But I doubt even they know what this is. I've consulted forty-two magical medical textbooks, and I have no inklink of what caused this."

"Ask her."

Lily turned to see Sirius standing now, pointing menacingly at her.

"Mr. Black…"

"You can't expect me to believe that she had nothing to do with it! She hates him! She's always hated him! She would do anything to get rid of…"

"Mr. Black, that's enough!"

"Don't you bloody tell me to stop, it was her!"

"OUT!" Madame Pomfrey hit Sirius sharply on the head, "The three of you, OUT!"

Sirius, Remus, and Peter exited the Hospital Wing reluctantly, Sirius still glaring at Lily, as if he could murder her with his eyes.

"Now, Miss Evans, I want you to get some rest." Madame Pomfrey ushered McGonagall out of the room, and Lily laid down on the bed.

_I didn't hurt him, _she thought, before dozing off to sleep.

"_So, you play Seeker too?"_

"_Not really. When I was younger and I played with my cousins in my backyard, they would always force me to play Seeker, because nobody else wanted to, and I was the youngest."_

"_Well you're actually pretty good at it."_

"_Thanks."_

……

"_You go there a lot?"_

"_What makes you say that?"_

"_Every house elf knew your name, that you won the Quidditch cup, and all your favorite foods."_

……

_Blood was running down James' face. He glanced at Lily, and weakly muttered her name._

"_James, James, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!"_

_He widened his eyes and gave a weak, shuddering gasp, before slipping to the floor._

"_James!"_

……

_Blood was all over her hands…what was she going to do? All this blood, and James unconscious…blood. There was blood everywhere. Too much blood. Too much…_

Lily Evans woke up screaming.


	4. Sorry

Ok. So I know I haven't updated anything since spring of last year. And I'm very very very very (very very very) sorry!!! I wasn't happy with anything on this account, so I just ignored it.

THIS DOES NOT MEAN I'M DISCONTINUING THIS STORY!

On my new account, "Amaranth O'Riley", I'll be continuing several fics. (Namely, Meant To Be, and Things I'll Never Say. I'll also be re-posting my various oneshots.)

Within a week, I'll be deleting this account. Once again, I'm sorry for the lack of news. However, if you were a fan of any of my stories, check out my new account

Dani


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